Get f.

heh.

Ok, quick post coz i gotta go sleep soon. Weeeell. You know what. Yes, I'm just a little annoyed. nothing in particular, but this'll be one of those random - god i hate that word- rants on nothing in particular. [alright with you?] get f. hah, i like that. anywho. You know what pisses me?!! When people compliment you on something of yours. see, that doesn't even make sense!! I mean someone goes something like, i like your top. or i like your hat. or i like something you're wearing and not actually something that's PART of you. I mean, you're expected to say [thankyou] as well. gee, thanks for complimenting my WATCH. coz, gee, you know if you hadn't've told me you liked it, i would have just had to shrivel up and die. geeeeeez. And you know what else's been pissing me? Easter. WTF?!! Jesus dying..chocolate eggs..crazed bunnies..chocolate wallabies.. oh yes, that allll fits. o.O I mean, I'm no professional Chrisitian or anything, but isn't Easter about Jesus dying and then getting resurrected or something? or did i miss out on the bit where Jesus's disciples partied with chocolate eggs and buggered rabied bunnies...? Get f.

And then, dyu know what [I just had to] do just then? Reboot my computer. stuff this fricken computer. You know, this is the 5th or 6th time?!! Well, I shan't ramble about my dislike for this grey lump of matter. Matter? jesus Christ!! I have a feckin science test on Monday. gee. [I've been the bloody walking DEAD this week!!] Like totally, i've realsied and possibly tried to wake myself out of this like.. trance or something i'm in. Except, it's 12 o'clock and i got up at 6:20. [hmm not good.] I'm sleepy. mmmm sleeeeeep. I'm hungry too. [Have you ever] had dinner and it's like a normal dinner that should fill you up, but i was still hungry after i'd eaten!! and that was 5 hours ago!! pfff. can't be stuffed finding something to eat. I'll have a butter menthol instead. :( I [have no music.] well i do. but it's actually the crap my bro saved. Coz oh yeah, thanks for reminding me that i have to get another CD-RW. actually, i got no more music to put on it. achh. Damn hip hop. get f. ahhhah. Brand new. [thanks Ains for introducing it to me.] XP and i don't have anymore pictures!! geee, after rebooting, you realise all your losses. Well, we had the chance to save them, but none were really worth keeping and who can REALLY be stuffed. heh, search "bananas in pyjamas" in google images. and look for the freaky pictures of these freaks who dressed up as the bananas. their masks are falling off!! and there's one where this guy had taken his mask off and so he's walking around in these blue and white striped pyjamas- which makes him look a little crazed. mmmm eyes glazing over.

you know I found that: if i concentrate on something, then i have a chance of learning.. [heh. i'm just a tad slow sometimes.] or maybe it's only coz i've been the walking dead this week that I've been tuning out when people open their mouths to talk. for example, prinx, if you're reading this, i kinda tuned out when you started talking about maths. heh, but [i do apprecitae] the help. ahhh 12:20. ok. fave songs of the moment: kittie and Korn- this town. i love it that they swear so incessantly. "Here we fuckin go" well, it's not throughout the whole song. ohhh, what is a good song with incessant swearing- jumpdafuckup by soulfly ft. corey taylor (lead singer of stone sour and slipknot). ehhhhh. i love it. which reminds me. i should be listening to it!! :0 not before i listen to 3 doors down -let me go. top 40 music? niiiice. It's been a while since i've listened to the radio (voluntarily) it's all crap anyway. and then people probably think i listen to triple j or something, but i think it's as weird as you do.

It's been a while since I've written this kinda post, desu ne (Jap). kablahhh. I have a Japanese outcome this coming thursday. [kill me now.] I'm so feckin scared. shitless. scared shitless. oh, you know i actually found an old friend, no, two, old friends through one of those stupid make-friends-with-me websites?!! Well, I hadn't seen these people in like 6 years!! [well, actually, i lie.] I saw one of them the other week. and i din't recognise her. well, people change in 6 years. they've all turned into sluts. nah, i dno, but i heard one of them is a huge slut. huge? that pisses me too. I know i sometimes do it, but why is it that people describe people who are majorly something as "huge". i mean, they're not ALWAYS fat, you know. [It's as if you're subliminaly trying to say something.]

happy? you have the right to be.

Kimo.

.

see, you've forgotten it all already.

The only one

Three posts in a row. are you surprised? well I'm not gonna type for you. i'm typing for me. for me. is anything out there for me anymore? everyone's so selfish, everyone's out there; each to their own. Well, i'm sick of it. I'm sick f you. I'm sick of school. I'm sick of erveything. Why don't you all just piss off to somewhere else and leave me alone. but then i don't want to be alone. Lone soldier. no. Well it seems you're making me the lone soldier. can i fight the war alone? i need you here, but you're just gonna hop up and leave? how can you do this. this is what i mean by selfish, ya mother.. can i ask, do you have a conscience? do you feel anything? or are you as numb as i am? you. are you numb. numb with cold. with fear. with resentment. with anything other than happiness. happiness? is there ever pure happiness? have i ever felt that? i miss it, though i've never known it. i hope to meet it one day. and say screw you, to it's face. i'd say something like, why the f weren't you ever with me before? why have you always favoured others? why don't you get f ed. I know some other people i'd like to say 'screw you' to, but can i? no. that's breaching the rules. rules. everywhere. hah, get f ed, rules. ooo, there's talking. ok, maybe not. no, no voices in my head, it's just not talking. it's indescribable. stubborn person + stubborn person? what do you get? a couple of stubborn people, duhh. yeah, but what else do you get. what? what DO you get? i don't know, so i'll repeat the question, just so it can sink in. what do you get if you add a stubborn person and a stubborn person? what do you get if you add a stubborn person and a stubborn person? what do you get if you add a stubborn person and a stubborn person? what do you get if you add a stubborn person and a stubborn person? what do you get if you add a stubborn person and a stubborn person? what do you get if you add a stubborn person and a stubborn person? enough. I highly doubt anyone will be reading up to this far. i wouldn't read this, even though i wrote it. slap slap. well, that's what it sounded like. what? what just sounded like that? who knows. not me. not you. the person getting f ed over would, though. lucky it ain't me. lucky? are you lucky that you're not getting f ed over? would you rather wallow around as you do than get f ed over? I miss it. not the happiness i've never met, but i miss those days. those days when it was plain . it was so... and . nothing major, nothing scary, nothing life changing. i liked that. i like that. it will one day come back to that. yes. strive for that. but is aiming high the best thing? how about aim low and you won't be disappointed. i hate disappointment. hate disappointment? but in HATING it, well, you have a problem. disappointment is inevitable. so why make it life changing. like uni selections. i'll aim for tafe or something and i'll get there. if i aimed for melbourne uni i'd probably miss it and hit some college institute in the middle of the bush. do you see my logic? well my logic is impeccable. angry? no. i'm not angry. "kimo, you know i've never seen you angry. i've seen you cry, but never angry" with that, can you tell when i'm fake? fake laugh. fake smile. fake looks. i'm a f in all rounder in that department. can you tell. can you really tell. can you tell what i'm thinking. can i mask it. or is it obvious. can you read me like a book, or read me like a brick wall? can you? can you not? these questions matter to me. how about, how am i being judged? being judged is nothing new. anyone, anywhere, anytime. judge judge judge. that's all the world does. can you see that? that girl's in a mini- must be a slut. that guy's got black hair and piercings- must listen to metal. that man's in a suit- must be rich. that woman's fat- must be a pig. that kid's crying- must have bad parents. that man's unshaven- must be a druggie. that girl's wearing a slipknot t-shirt- must be suicidal. how about on another level. that person got 83% on her test- must have been lazy. that person's applying make up- must have low self esteem. that person's getting out of a Merc- must have everything. that person's wearing the coolest clothes- must abide by cosmo. well. if all goes like this, as it mostly does, then we have a problem. yes, i know, i'm guilty of some of these thoughts. i'm not denying it in the least, but what are people thinking about me? How do i reflect on others, if at all? How are others reflected on me? is it all bad? is it all bad. is anything really all that bad? can everything in the world be solved? well this judging dilemma we've discussed is a world wide epidemic. and it's in everyone. it's in everyone. that's undeniable. everyone's guilty of it and it can't be stopped. it's one of the worst human traits. It's not even generical. it pops up whenever it feels. it can hurt more than physical violence. actually, that's probably what causes anorexia, bulimia and all that, as well as suicides, drug use and alcoholism. are you proud. can you tell it's harsh. can you see some people actually process what people say about them. about those close to them. about strangers. oh. really? you want out? but you're here. now. why. why you want it. you're gonna cry. i hate you. wow. i just said that. i can't believe i said that. it's unbelievable. you just said you hate your mother. that's not healthy. geez. fuck off. yes, mother. fuck off. i'd say it to you personally, but if you're reading this as you would if you could read, you'd've already realised what i just said. fuck off. prance. harder. prance around. i command you. you love it. you love gloating about it. you just love it. f us all over. and once you're done, what are you gonna do? yeah. huh. what was that? louder. LOUDER. I CAN'T FUCKING HEAR YOU. FUCK YOU AND YOU'RE FUCKIN FEELINGS. FUCK YOU AND YOUR "I'M SO HURT" BULLSHIT. YOU'RE HURT?!! THAT'S MORE SELF CENTRED THAN I CAN EVEN THINK OF!! YOU'RE THE CENTRE OF THE WORLD AND EVERYONE SHOULD OBEY YOU. EYAH, THAT'S HOW IT IS THEN? YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE SO FUCKIN HURT, THEN WHY? WHY DO YOU DO IT? WHY HAVE YOU DONE IT? WHY DID YOU DO IT? YOU FUCK US ALL OVER AND LEAVE US WITH WHAT? AND IN ALL OF THIS, YOU DON'T EVEN TRY AND REFRAIN FROM FUCKING ME OVER WHILE YOU'RE AT IT. GO AHEAD, IT'S A FREE SHOT. OH, SO YOU DON'T MIND THAT, BUT WHEN I DO, IT'S THE FUCKIN END OF THE WORLD. IF THAT'S HOW IT'S GONNA BE, THAN SO BE IT. MAYBE I'LL BE WALKING HIS FUCKING PATH TOO. MAYBE WITH HIM. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT. IT FUCKIN SEEMS LIKE IT. SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LECTURING ME, WHEN IT'S HIM AT FAULT? WHY?!! WHY? why. i'M SO SICK OF THIS FUCKIN FAMILY AND I CAN'T TAKE YOU PEOPLE ANY MORE. IF HE'S GOING, HOW LONG WILL IT BE BEFORE I DO? ARE YOU GONNA DO THE SAME WITH ME AS YOU DID WITH HIM? FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU ALL. AND TO YOU, THE READER, IF ANY, IT'S NOT ONLY MY MOTHER I'M TALKING ABOUT. IT'S MY DAD. IT'S MY RELATIVES. IT'S EVERYONE IN THIS FUCKIN WORLD. "YOU KNOW THE MOMENT YOU STEP OUT OF THIS HOUSE, YOU DON'T BELONG HERE ANYMORE". FUCK YOU. FUCK THE LOTTA YA. HATE. HATE IS A STRONG WORD. AND HERE IT IS IN ITS GREATEST CONTEXT: I HATE THIS WORLD.

so how are you?

blahhhhh

eurch.

I realised how much better i feel after posting on here. heh, it's also satisfying to know that everyone hates it that they don't know what i'm talking about. and so you should, but in me saying that, i'm still gonna give you cryptic posts that don't make sense, or at least to you. hah, my revenge on the world [[little as it is]]. Not only am I cold, bored, hungry, sleepy, busting to go to the toilet, bogged down in homework, but my computer is stuffed and with all these windows randomly closing and MSN not working, I feel so ...isolated or something. I mean, it's a long weekend and I was invited to go out to MOOMBA [[heh, why, people, why?!!!]] and i'm not going because i have to go to the age expo the day before, and i'm already strapped for cash. here are some problems heh, or at least, "challenges" i'm facing -cryptic and non-cryptic-:

> I can't play my music loudly
> Everyone's in a pissy mood (not excluding me)
> The teacher won't let me back out of the Japan study tour- I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY!! Can't she get that through her head?
> I have been this > <> I can't sleep until after 12 nearly everynight (that's late for me)
> He's going some time this week
> I'm helpless
> I've resigned
> It can't be helped and even if it could, to what use?
> He will be back
> Third time so?
> Gently is playing through my head
> As Bittersweet symphony plays through the speakers
> Everyone's asleep. all, but me.
> Not as many "challenges" as plain thoughts
> No one will read this
> I'm feeling the same way i told myself, no VOWED to myself to never feel ever again. I can't help it and I'm almost giving up from it.
> "I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down. Been down. Ever been down (x4). Have you ever been down?"
> Why me? Right in the middle of it. HOLD FIRE.. until i'm gone, at least.
> Fuck you

I'm going. i'm not expecting any comments. two posts in two days. hasn't been like this since the holidays. since then. a long time. i have a long time ahead. ahead. will there be a future. for anyone. maybe. or not. gotta.get.out.of.this.place. no. i can't. or else. like him. like them. never. ever. that's a fuckin vow. how many must i do? no more vows. just empty promises.

going. going. gone.

Plop

well.

Yes, it's been a while indeed. well, I'm stuck for what to say. It's like when you haven't seen a friend in such a long time and you suddenly meet again. Such awkwardness. Well, how's life? muh. - no comment- Well, it was my birthday, yes, a while ago too. homework? yes. and lots of it. Bored? yes. hey, wanna see inside my head? not see, just see what's happening:

homework- literature - english- maths - science - history - japanese ; japanese - study tour -$3800 - scary teacher who won't let me back out?; back? - that's all I ever see of you; you? who are you; The age expo - VCE - future career - optometry?; future? have you heard of that term?; ignorant shit - kicked out - bum - end of semester 1 - that's not logical; sense- what does sense mean? - how does one make sense?; MSN - piece of crap - virus - i'm not feeling well - slag; cry - sleep - book - weird - camp - groups - birthday - alone - shout - slave - slipknot - ignore - ignorant - what are you doing if you're not smiling? - is that bad - that is bad - where are you - who are you - those days - these days - shit - gaia - 812 gold - game? - is it all a game? - best speaker - score even with two others, so why me - why did that guy write my name on the score sheet to be best speaker? - boxing gloves - hockey stick - Bowling for Columbine - violence in society - i put my hand up in class today - good comment, kimo - makes it pat on the back work, don't it, then? - noticable - school tours - meals on wheels - screwed up - old people - man with bad slouch - deaf lady - smelly trays - smelly houses - I hope to never get old - hopefully that doesn't come true - smells like teen spirit - lost - not the show - anorexia - kid in year 7 - long - so it is - are you reading this - I'm not reading this - bump - newbie - year 11 - exams - japanese sucks like a bitch - i hate it - i hate you

get back, dirt off your shoulder - fun - you hate it - why - confuzzled - random - or - shuffle - mp3 - music - saviour - screamo - scream-a-long - hate that too - hate everything - hate - opposite to love - disgree - jealousy is the opposite to love - or not - still - fuckin hypocrite - fuckin conformists - you love that - society - you love it all - but me - left unspoken - bathe in your victory - yes, you - we don't know what you're talking about - good for you then - better this way - not same person, people - keep your feet on the ground - come see my cage, built in my grave - only friends? - i don't know - do you know - why ask - saturday night then - but sunday's the next day - fuck it - fuck you

i'm hungry - another one - oh yes - i never strapped you down to read - piss off then - picnics in the garden - who picnics these days - the no seatbelt song - suicidal? - you did well - where are you now - did i do well - email - fuck off - msn - fuck off - virus - fuck off - homework - fuck off - family - fuck off - food - fuck off - friends - fuck off - everyone/ everything -fuck off - bad mood, ey? - no - fuck off

Gently - Slipknot

Gently, my mind escapes into the relaxing
world of pleasure, a pleasure that'll take
my mind off the reality of my life,
my past life... life as I know it now.

And whatever may come, it slowly
disappears to somewhere in the back
of my mind. It will remain there,
until I wish to retrieve it.

Yes, I will stay here for a while,
for I need the break. A break from the
pressures of life, and everything
that lays in the palm of life's hands.

This mode is incredible. It's out of
this world. Too bad I must always leave it...
... but that's life.

All that about sums it up. Listen to the song, it's goodness at its best. Like me at the moment. Can you tell I'm happy?

Kimo.